Well, it’s that time of year again:
The time when Girl Scouts everywhere sit desperately in front of grocery stores trying to hawk their cookies.
Sure, we all want some Tagalongs and Do-si-dos, but having helped my kids with a lemonade stand, I am 100% convinced that dad do not buy things from kids. Moms and other kids do, but not dads.
I guess dads still live in the era of having to walk to school in the snow both ways uphill with no shows and without vaccines while eating gluten. We figure this generation will be soft if we buy a frickin’ box of Thin Mints.
But what if you are a dad that needs to help your daughter sell some cookies?
No Problem: 12 Solutions So Easy Even I Could Think of Them
1. You need to find the place where people need cookies, not just want them:
Think near your local dispensary. I mean really: a gram or two, some potent gummies, a pre-rolled joint. You know they will need cookies in an hour or two. It’s the perfect one-two punch. It’s shooting fish in a barrel.
(Actually, this is a bad idea. So is shooting fish in a barrel.)
2. Near a college campus. This is probably a bit safer than the local dispensary and gets basically the same audience.
Most of them may be totally broke, but if you find a good private school, then mommy and daddy can pay for it…
3. Outside of a gym. Who doesn’t deserve a cookie after a workout? You know they earned it.
Make sure you have the ones without corn syrup though, or you might have to deal with the carob-eating anti-sugar person. Go for a gym that attracts an older, less intense crowd.
4. Outside of a weight loss center.
Sure, it’s just mean, but you know they have a weakness.
5. By a senior center, so long as your kid is cute and well-behaved. Old people love children for some reason, and most of them don’t care about their sugar intake anymore.
If she’s not if not well-behaved, try the local family counseling center!
6. On Facebook. Heck—teach them to take out a Facebook ad! Mine some data, build a targeted audience, and fire away.
Your daughter will learn valuable life skills and some digital marketing prowess. If all else fails, she can write about it on a college essay.
7. Setup a Shopify store. If you are going to go full-tilt with a Facebook ad, then you may as well splurge for the solid ecommerce fulfilment structure.
8. Make a funny commercial or video and send it out to family, friends, strangers.
Just get out your phone and film them doing something crazy—especially if it features the cookies or the boxes. Maybe try a quick video of the FedEx guy carelessly chucking the girl scout cookies over the fence. There’s plenty of room for creativity.
9. Near a Starbucks. If a customer can spend $8 on a glittery pink abomination, then they sure as heck have plenty of disposable income and they obviously aren’t afraid of sugar.
10. Try to go viral. Make a good meme.
“that face when you need to sell cookies but all your friends are cheapskates”
11. Set your kid up to take Bitcoin. I think one Bitcoin can buy at least three or four boxes of Samoas these days.
12. Make a social cause. Charge more, but donate the extra to a good charity. Those silly patch-sewing girls shouldn’t get all the (cookie) dough!
Regardless of your approach, try to be original. Help your kid find a new market or new way to sell some cookies. Stay away from the age-old grocery store or work break room.
As a dad, I have my anti kid defenses up in all the normal places. Make me laugh and you have a chance. Bore me and ask without a song, dance, or joke, and I’m out. I don’t want the cookies—I want a smile!