So, yeah. I’m just going to rant about a few things that I hate. This is my blog, and so ranting is my right.

  1. Missing towels.
    Getting out of the shower to find that one of my children has commandeered my towel and has left it in a wet heap on their bedroom floor. It leaves me no choice but to use a small hand towel. Pure rage.
    DON’T TOUCH MY TOWEL, YOU LITTLE WEASELS!!!
  2. The game UNO.
    I hate it. It’s boring. It takes forever to finish. And to top it all off, it’s not one little tiny bit entertaining. I have banned it from my house.
    I’m #1, UNO. You are now banished to numero cinco. Adios.
  3. Biscotti.
    Why? Please, someone explain to me why I would want a giant crouton.
    It’s hard, it’s crunchy, and it has no taste. What do I do with this thing? Eat it plain and break all my teeth? Dip it in coffee so it turns into mush?
    I may keep one around to beat my daughter’s future boyfriend with, but that’s the only useful thing to do with it. It’s a giant stale piece of your grandma’s zucchini bread. Didn’t taste good before, certainly doesn’t taste good after it hardened in the sun for the past week. No offense to your grandma.
  4. My dog who continues to steal and eat my nightguards.
    I literally had to buy them in bulk. They’ve been disappearing from my night table.
    I couldn’t figure it out, until I picked up his poop at the park. Lo and behold! Looks like there is a nightguard thief in the house. Gross.
  5. My editor.
    I was always taught to put two spaces after a sentence. He always takes them out. It looks funny after he’s done.
    I don’t give a damn about typography or proportional spacing! Let me write things my way!
    (Editor’s note: No.)

That’s all. I leave you this clip from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. He doesn’t have a towel either.

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