And other reasons my elementary-age children have limited access to the internet

Let me preface this by saying that I teach elementary school science. I love science. Scientists are on the cutting edge of figuring out how and why things happen. In science, you are required to prove your theories, and your theories must be checked by your scientific peers. Scientists are not easy on each other. It is a difficult process to get your paper peer reviewed and ready for publication.

Flat Earth surrounded by Antarctica. Illustration flat earth

So why am I spending time in class pointing out the facts to my elementary students that prove the Earth is indeed round? Don’t get me wrong, I love a good conspiracy theory. Ask anyone I know. 9/11? Suspicious. Economy? Fiat currency will be our downfall. But FLAT EARTH?? Are you serious? The science of Flat Earth doesn’t add up.

And neither does the common sense. The insane amount of time and energy it takes to come up with this cockamamie story is incredible. So, the earth is in a dome? Really? So, all satellite launches have been fake, the Earth is surrounded by ice, and nobody has managed to wander across the ice to the wall? And… The moon and the sun are the same size!? What?

My real complaint is that I am spending any class time at all explaining to my students that the earth is indeed a sphere (yes, I know it bulges around the middle a bit!) and that it has been proven time and time again. What’s next? Fire is actually a conspiracy? What… Have aliens been projecting holograms at us and burning things up with their alien pulse weapons the whole time?

This is silly. A large amount of people are spending their time making up excuses as to why a flat Earth would be covered up by every government and scientific agency in the world. The bottom line is that after a while it just gets ridiculous. So now I have to spend my time arguing with elementary students (who spend way too much time online) about the shape of the Earth. How do I explain that the science of Flat Earth is built on faulty assumptions?

It’s unbelievable. As a matter of fact, I think it’s a sign of the apocalypse. If we have this much time on our hands, we must be close to something bad happening…

The bottom line is: Don’t let your elementary age students spend all their time on the internet!! It is ruining them. I see it every day. It is not making them smarter! Limit their internet access and teach them how to think critically and scientifically. We’ll all be better off because of it.

That being said, did the Coronavirus really just show up at some market in China? Or was it somehow engineered? Hmm… I smell a conspiracy…

We enjoy many things about the Ninja Dad life, but one thing we don’t like is repeating ourselves. Constantly. Especially when it has to do with manners, behavior, and general commonsense decorum.

So, rather than nag ourselves hoarse, we developed a genius reminder system to keep our kids in line. They’re called manners cards, and we swear, sometimes they actually work. Check them out here.

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