We love good jokes (and bad jokes) at NinjaDads. Some of our favorites involve manners and eating. Let’s face it—kids can be disgusting at family meals, and anything to reinforce good manners helps. Here are some of our favorite manners-related jokes.

Q&A Jokes

Q: What is the most effective birth control for men?

A: Manners.

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Q: What did the cake say to the fork?

A: You want a piece of me?

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Q: How do you turn a spoon into a fork?

A: Open up the drawers.

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Q: What is the best image quality to use when photographing forks?

A: 4K

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Q: What do you call a fork with three prongs?

A: A threek

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Q: What do you call a sleeping paper towel?

A: A napkin.

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Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A: ‘Cause I stepped on it.

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Q: Why don’t snowmen like carrot cake?
A: Because to them, it tastes like boogers.

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Dad: I am on a seafood diet.

Kid: What is that?

Dad: I see food and I eat it.

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Q: How does a man take a bubble bath?

A: He eats beans for dinner.

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Q: What’s bad about throwing the bouquet behind you to see who’s next?

A: It’s really bad manners at funerals.

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Q: What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners?

A: Use the forks, Luke.

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Q: What do you call houses who have good behavior?

A: Manors.

One Liners

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. Actually, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

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I went to a cannibal’s house for dinner. His manners were like nobody else’s. He was encouraging me to put my feet up on the table.

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Sometimes I just sit & run my fingers thru my wife’s hair. It’s a nice way to tell her that I love her. And also that we’re outta napkins.

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My friend told me I was bad at chewing. I found that rather hard to swallow.

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Q: If cows laughed, would milk come out of their noses?”

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Q: Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming… especially if you go for seconds!

A Bit More about Manners…

Sure, we like to joke about manners, but they’re a real concern. Our kids are constantly making a mess at the table, being rude, and generally being uncultured swine of some sort. As dads, we get tired of repeating ourselves, constantly reminding our children about how to mind their manners.

To reduce our effort—and increase our fun—we created these:

Manners Cards

You can read about how we invented them here. Or you can skip the history lesson and read one last dad joke…

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, that was the right thing to do. It’s good manners!

Son: But mom, I was sitting on dad’s lap!

WHAT MAKES A GOOD DAD JOKE?

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